I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
