i would punch a child for taco bell
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
