You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
