The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
