We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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