Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I'm at about main and main street
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Randomize
