1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
