"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
