i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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