totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
