just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
