Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
