Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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