dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'm way too hungover for life right now
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
