you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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