Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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