If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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