Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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