The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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