I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
