i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
