They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
