make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I think my moral compass just broke
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
