dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
