i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize