Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
