i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
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