Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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