i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
