if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I looked at my own cervix.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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