haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
don't judge my taste in strippers
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
