he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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