I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
