Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize