two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
