im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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