So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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