You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
