Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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