I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
