I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
