my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
You pole danced in your parka.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
