I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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