you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
