So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
