alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
