my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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