So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Randomize
