Umm I'm too high to move.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
