I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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