so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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