The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
