I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
