just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
