I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
