If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I just cut my nipple shaving
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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