I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
