dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
