I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
