The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
