yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
