is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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