my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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