Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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