She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
