she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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