i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
