Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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