So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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