So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
