Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
