Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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