Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(541): View more from Oregon

In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?

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(901): View more from Tennessee

why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?

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(818): View more from California

Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?

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(347): View more from New York

How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"

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(480): View more from Arizona

I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.

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(562): View more from California

it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats

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(803): View more from South Carolina

I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.

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(702): View more from Nevada

the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless

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(925): View more from California

You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.

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